Quarantine Routine: Morning (2 of ?)

Part 2: Mornings from the Lucky Wife’s perspective (from my perspective)

Read First: Part 1: DW’s Mornings

5:00am – 6 out of 7 days its me who wakes up with the kids and dog because my useless husband talked a big game the night before saying he would wake up early to make pancakes but instead stayed up so late working on this stupid blog that he barely moves when the dog jumps on top of him.  In reality, I’ve been awake since 3 which is when the dog starts to get hungry and drag is saggy body from one end of the room to the other.  The way he moves is almost like he is trying to be annoying.  Just watch how he walks down the stairs first thing in the morning and listen to how it sounds like he’s walking on his knees and elbows.

But also, did you notice how he stopped to look at a kid’s slipper and squatted like he was going to poop on step 6 then glanced back to see if I fell for his joke?  I did and it scared me so much I nearly peed on step 1!

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And let’s not forget how I had to inspect step 6 while he continued down the stairs.

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All clean.  THANK GOD.

Or when he got to the bottom and looked up as if to obliviously say “What?… You coming?”.

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Fat.  Asshole.

But who wouldn’t want to get up and play with this handsome goofball when he scratches your face trying to wake you up every morning?

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6:10am – Because sleep is elusive after being pawed in the face, I don’t just hear the boys when they leave their room, I also hear when one of them wakes up first, gets out of bed, walks over to the other one who is still sleeping and politely asks in an outside voice “ARE YOU AWAKE?”

I am

6:11am – Alice is woken up by the boys and starts calling for me.  Always me. Never daddy.  Even when I travel for work and she is with daddy for weeks, she always wakes up and wants mommy.

Mommy 1.  Daddy 0.

6:15am – How is Dave still sleeping with all the noise?  He’s either faking it or dead.  Either way, I’m never going to be able to fall back asleep at this point so I might as well go downstairs and get some work done before making breakfast.

6:16am – I’ll just grab my computer from the kitchen… WTF.  He didn’t run the dishwasher last night??  I serve 18 meals a day in this house and everything is still dirty?!  He had one job last night and now we don’t have any spoons!

7:00am – After coming to terms with not being able to serve cereal and realizing our kids will look like basketballs if they eat pancakes every morning I make a healthier-ish breakfast.

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7:30am – The dog is whimpering at his food closet because he either hasn’t been fed or he is hungry again.  Admittedly, I don’t always get up with the dog at 5am so sometimes I’m not positive he’s been fed.  Since he’s already fat, and giving in to his every impulse would make him even more of an asshole, I usually try to confirm with Dave whether he actually needs to be fed.

With dishwasher now running, Dave has shamefully emerged from his slumber and set off on his own agenda so getting answers can be difficult.

What a fat asshole.

7:58am – Au pair Amanda comes upstairs to captain the fun ship until the afternoon.

8:00am – ….

Come back for more daily perspectives, stories, updates, and pictures of the dog.

-The Lucky Wife

Disclaimer: The Lucky Wife does not approve of this post and would never use the word ‘asshole’ or call someone fat.

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